A Tribute to My Grandma : Uncommon Grace

 My Grandma was a vibrant lady who took such good care of herself and had a heart of gold. Her spirit and her attitude toward life was very strong as she was such an amazing person and an inspiration plus very humble. It was a privilege and a joy to be her first grandchild.

I look back over 20-30 years ago when she and my grandpa would take all four of us grandchildren to their Yomoyden farm near Cincinnati, Ohio. She had the trip planned keeping us busy with field trips, playing in the pool, and tennis lessons with an instructor she sent from the club. She was the most enthusiastic and most fun summer camp counselor that I had. She combined some class and some humor as well. Since we were so close, my cousins were like brother and sisters rather than cousins. It reflects her enthusiasm toward life to live it to the fullest.

My earliest memories of her was at the ranch in Montana when I realized that she had an appreciation for beauty inside and out and with surroundings. She had a picture book with wildflowers that she carried with her with notes and all and we would go wildflower hunting around the ranch. It was one of the first bonding experiences that I can remember. She had those small dainty hands like me that toiled hard either working a garden, making bread, cheesy burger buns, applesauce, popovers, painting pictures on a table (for the cabin), and raising Scottish Highlanders cattle. I remember her greetings as a child when she would say "Hi-yo!" to me and it would always lift me up. She sang beautifully whenever we would sing Christmas carols and her favorites was "Oh Holy Night."

I will never forget how she loved to travel like me to exotic places. I remember our trip to Japan when I was fifteen enjoying the culture and beauty of this country. It was definitely a special time with our heart to heart talks, great meals, and especially enjoying the gardens with our mutual love for beauty. She taught me to pack and being good at traveling since we had to hop from hotel to hotel during the trip. It was a great bonding time.

We were kindred spirits in our love for fashion and the arts with leaving the house always looking put together. We both liked artists like Charles Russell and Geogia O'Keefe. She taught me to look impeccably good with clothes ironed and everything. I remember the shopping trips during my visits with her to Ohio for back to school clothes and I always ended up being the best dressed in school whenever I wore something that she picked out with a little bit of funk plus style. My Grandma taught me to carry myself and have an appreciation for the world around me. I picked up some elegant decorating skills from her as I always liked going to her homes as they were decorated well but had some warmth to them at the same time.

My Grandma was always there for me in both good times and times of trouble. She was supportive in my passion for art and encouraged it. She taught me to appreciate the finer things in life like trips to Central City Opera, although I don't have the appreciation for Opera like she did, it was always enjoyable with her and because of my love for her and being in her company. I went with her this past summer to a Central City Opera benefit with the singers doing a small performance with the beautiful voices singing in harmony. I wanted to sit next to her but she wanted to sit next to a very handsome man so I forgave her for that as I wouldn't blame her. I was just flattered for being invited and having some precious time with her that evening before she headed for Maine for the summer. We both shared an appreciation for arts and culture like the Symphony.

My Grandma and I both had a love for dramatic weather. When I would visit her in Ohio she would walk into my bedroom in her bed clothes with curlers to watch the amazing thunderstorms with me. It was awesome with the skies lighting up and the loud claps of thunder. I heard this past summer when the hurricanes were coming through Maine that it was not dramatic enough for my Grandma since it was only wind and rain. I would have been disappointed as well with only that too.

I am grateful that the whole family was together this Christmas surrounding my Grandma, the leader of our small close knit clan. It was the best Christmas ever not knowing at the time that it was her last . I am also grateful that I was with her to the very end and got to spend the last twenty some days with her as she still looked beautiful and stylish in her nightgown. During the visits at the hospital she was still herself wanting to entertain us sitting on the chair with her great spirits and funk. She went the way she lived with  uncommon grace and dignity on Thursday night surrounded by her family.

I will miss her and I am now a changed person the last few days. Grandma was my link to the greatest generation that she was proud of and she still went along with the times. I will miss her wisdom and her weekly presence at our family dinners as it was always a treat visiting with her. She is now an angel on my shoulder as I will carry her strength and love of beauty and grace with me. As she may not be here physically as a person she will forever be in my heart the rest of my life as my link to the greatest generation.

My Year 2011

View from my childhood ranch in Darby, Montana trip late June 2011

Evening by Trapper Peak near Darby, June 2011

My brother-in-law JB retro'd out! April 2011

The barn at my old childhood ranch near Darby, Montana June 2011

Downtown Polson, Montana

Myself and Emily at her 2nd Birthday party May 2011

Cookie's 1st trip to Cherry Creek mall to see Santa December 11, 2011

Heather and Erica at my party

My 1970's 40th Birthday Party at the Space Gallery April 2011

Sam and Emily at Emily's 2nd Birthday Party May 2011

Assignment Collage for Drawing class late Summer 2011

Cookie sticking her head in the snow, late Fall 2011

My Mom, Brother-in-Law JB, and cousin Christine at my 40th Birthday Party April 9, 2011

My table and chairs for drawing class Spring 2011

My First House from Childhood at the ranch near Darby, Montana

My desk for perspective drawing class February 2011

My Yoga Studio for Perspective Class March 2011

Mission Mountains near St. Ignatuas, Montana

People's Center on the way to Flathead Lake, Montana

Flathead Lake

Deer in Glacier National Park, Montana

Lake McDonald at Glacier National Park, Montana

Outside of a Gallery in Downtown Kalispell, Montana

The Bitterroots from Hamilton, Montana 

Lake Como behind the ranch

Cookie beat from the Holiday Season December 2011

The Fairgrounds in Hamilton

Tony in Retro

Gratitude

After being in retail for many years and being complacent thinking that the economy would last forever I thought that would be my life with the guaranteed security. I had to learn the hard way that nothing is guaranteed. Not career and not marriage. I had a big turning point just a few years ago by leaving a man I was addicted to like the alcohol if not worse. I'm still plugging away at Dick's Sporting Goods a job that's not doing much for me now and not fulfilling. I was looking for more work earlier this year, but I don't seem enthused because it would be more retail and all the same and I'm burned out. I had my prime years ago at Lord and Taylor and even then I was burned out. I am now picking up new skills volunteering at Bright Beginnings working in the office. I have to think of something else to do on the side other than school like starting to freelance.

I would toil late nights with homework and deadlines for my Graphic design program with less hours at work and my bank account shrinking but I'm still happy. I have a roof over my head, nice family, a spiritual program, my dog, my health, and my artistic gift. I could not ask for more!

Happy Belated New Year!

Hi Followers,
I have not posted in a while but 2010 has been an interesting year! As I want to continue painting, I've come to terms that I can't actually make a living as an artist. I'm still making up my mind on what classes to take since I have more choices being in the intermediate level. I'm growing weary of retail and when rent has gone up and I'm paying for membership for Yoga my hours are being cut. It may be god's way of telling me to move on or make a career change and I have to do it quick. My ideal career would be in the arts. I considered administrative although it would pay the bills it could be boring or unfullfilling.

What I Accomplished in 2010:
Produced more paintings and took up Yoga. Spent more time with my family and be more a part of it.

What I wished I did more of in 2010:
Have more of a social life and travel more. Explore more career options.

The Highlights of 2010:


A new family member a little second cousin born to my cousin Christine and her husband Steve.

The Shrimp and Crawfish boil at my Cousin Christine and Steve's home in Ft Collins.

Reuniting with Jim Eaton and seeing his Family in Sacramento.

Seeing the Big Trees near Sacramento.

Learned Photoshop techniques for my paintings.

What's to Come in 2011:


Take a sculpturing class at the Art Student's League

Visit the Denver Design Center and look into Interior decorating

Take a portfolio class at the League

Be more involved in AA

Look for a new job

Take my dog Cookie to obedient school

Take a trip to Montana-look at Conrad Mansion and Marcus Daly Mansion for decorating inspiration

Go to predecorated open houses for inspiration too in affluent neighborhoods

If Interior decorating is something I want to do (after talking to decorators), get Certified via online or at-home study

Confessions of a Fast Eater

After being married to a ex-marine who eats fast, I have almost lost my appreciation for food, as much as I enjoy and savor it. Once again I was wolfing down my dinner tonight like there was a big urgency for it to be eaten and be done and over with. I'm now reading Eat Pray Love (a full review will follow), and I just finished the first third when she's in Italy. She describes how she enjoys the food thoroughly taking in the flavors. Before my ex's influence, I ate somewhat slowly because I wanted to enjoy the food and now I have to relearn to eat slower again. The only time I eat slower is if I'm in a conversation with others, and ceasing to fully appreciate the food in front of me. I seem to have taken eating as more out of necessity than pleasure. We all tend to forget about enjoying the simple things with our on the go and rushed lifestyles.

The habit of speed eating was also influenced by my half hour lunches at work and that is a time when you have to eat fast to not spend the whole half hour eating. It may be understandable in the military when they have to run on many things on little time. I remember my best friend growing up saying that "I eat because I have to, not because I like to". She is entitled to her opinion but I was appalled by it because I assumed that just because I enjoy food, I thought everybody else had to too. I was sixteen when she made that statement and I already traveled a few states and been out of the country once and got to sample various foods from other cultures and developed an appreciation for food. I enjoyed helping friends out at dinner parties, not just for the extra dough but to watch and be inspired by other's style of cooking. That's what inspired me to read Gourmet magazine when I was 19-20; I even bought  it too and read through the complicated recipes,in college. I bought copies of it during my year stint at Keystone Resort in Colorado, not only to thumb through recipes , but for appearances, to appear classier than those ski bums I was living among. My cooking magazine of choice these days is Cooking Light, they have easy 20 minute recipes in the back that I've tried but I wolfed them down with urgency even on a relaxing evening at home. It's going to take some time to experiment with various foods again and get myself out of this food and eating rut and enjoy food again. Most of all make that pleasurable and every moment pleasurable, after all we live once.

Carousel the musical

I remember for my sister's 10th birthday , my mom took a bunch of her friends and I to the Country Dinner Playhouse to see Carousel. The score was beautiful and the carousel itself was only shown at the beginning of the musical. At the time I was only sixteen with the lack of experience with men and relationships and clueless about the moral of this play. The score was beautiful although the storyline was very sad and It sounded like the story of my life.

The story takes place in a New England fishing village.The musical starts off with a young millworker who gets on a carousel with her friend and meets a barker on a carousel, falls in love quickly and marries him. The night she meets him , Julie Jordan and her friend Carrie Pipperidge talk about Mr. Snow who Carrie is seeing, an ambitious fisherman.On the other hand, Billy Bigelow the carousel barker is a drifter who lacks money and ambition and falls for the innocent Julie Jordon. He fits the description of an abusive man, whose a smooth talker, cocky, and charming. It is revealed shortly into the story that he hits her, but she takes it and says that it was his frustration over not being able to find work. She stands by him anyway despite the treatment, but that was the 19th century, but if it was the 21st century she had the option of leaving him. Julie gets pregnant with his child shortly thereafter and they are staying at her cousin Nettie's spa and hardly have a dime to support the both of them. In order to make money to support Julie and the child their expecting he takes the easy way out and gets involved in a robbery that goes wrong and ends tragically. She raises the daughter Louise on her own and the girl becomes troubled herself and Billy takes a day back on earth to redeem himself.Billy talks to his daughter and tries to give her a star that he stole, but she refuses it. Julie steps out, takes the star, and she feels Billy's presence and he sings "If I loved you" to her. She still loved him 15 years after his passing.  He comes back an extra day for her graduation and sings along "You'll Never Walk Alone" with the rest of the company.

I've been with several Billy Bigelows in my life and I can see how they can prey on innocent women. They are very bold and slick in order to get women. They come across as the Alpha males who can be very dominating with their charm to draw women in. Women who come across as vulnerable, pretty, and innocent are easy targets. Even though they may lack education they are smart on picking up the subtle cues. I've done research on abusive men and they are very charming at times and ugly other times and that's the cycle that keep their partners hooked and that's what Julie Jordon was hooked on with Billy. Whenever the men I was with put me down with words I thought that was out of love and caring which the opposite was true. Julie Jordon came into it with lack of experience and no self esteem at the time. I was looking back and reading about this musical as I was thinking about those classic Rogers and Hammerstein musicals that I was exposed to growing up and this was the one I could relate to the most since I been there although I was not physically beaten. Billy Bigelow was an inappropriate man in society who was not a hero to anyone and targeted an innocent girl like Julie Jordon who had a lot of potential and a future ahead of her. If I was to rewrite this play I would have showed Julie moving on remarrying a nice man since she was young enough to do so and have a good life. The musical covered issues like domestic violence which was taboo in the '40's and '50's. In my opinion I would not let young children see this until their older and understand the messages in the musical.